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The Early Adventures

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Chapter    1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20 

The Early Adventures of The Little Orphan Granny

Part One:  The Mississippi Cotton Farm




The beginnings of The Little Orphan Granny while only a Mississippi egg


Once upon a time, on Saturday, June 9, 1934, The Little Orphan Granny was born.

This also happened to be the very same day that Donald Duck made his debut to the children of the world in a Silly Symphony called "The Wise Little Hen."

But back to The Orphan.

The Grandmother of The Orphan, called The Big Momma, assisted The Mother with the Birth of The Orphan in a home which had one large room divided into smaller rooms by blankets hanging on baling wire and ropes. This home of the newborn Orphan was on a 65-acre cotton farm located near a Hamlet called Walnut that was in a County called Tippah in a State called Mississippi in a Country named America.

Later in that same week, a Sorcerer named Doctor Ford (who took his fees in chickens and such - for who knew what secret rites) drove his horse and buggy to the one room house to count the fingers and toes of The Orphan. There being ten of each, The Orphan was awarded a Mississippi "birth certificate" which proclaimed him to be named Granville Thomas Frazier and both "white" and "legitimate." (Such proof of legitimacy was to become very important to The Orphan in The Orphan’s later life since, from time to time, such legitimacy would be sorely questioned by frustrated people who could not think as well or as fast as The Orphan.) The Sorcerer then said,

     "…That will be one chicken, please…" and departed in his horse and buggy.

In the beginning, The Baby Orphan was always hungry. For many weeks The Orphan did not increase his bulk, even though he increased his length and the extension of his extremities. The Orphan expressed his displeasure concerning this hunger as vociferously as his tiny capabilities permitted during all the days and even through all the nights.

Occasionally suggestions were made in the midst of the night by The Father of The Orphan (later to be named by the Orphan "The Forbidding Giant") as to immersing The Orphan in water for a length of time until no more bubbles rose, but these were rebutted by The Mother.

There were deep conferences between The Mother and The Big Momma that resulted in noxious, but not-so-magic, potions designed to exorcise a demon called colic. Alas - the Orphan did not own a colic. (If The Orphan had owned a colic, the colic would have starved and run away on its own).

The Brave Mother, expressing a sweet stubbornness (The Orphan became sorely accustomed to this sweet stubbornness in his later life, but it was a stubbornness which he none-the-less loved), took The Orphan to the Hamlet of Walnut, a fearsome distance of one mile, to the same Sorcerer still called Doctor Ford - who said,

     "…This child is starving because his succor has not the value needed in food…"

Had he, at that time, had a spoken language, The Orphan would have told loudly his first story in great detail decrying this lack of succor.

     "…Give this child Similac in copious quantities!" ordered The Sorcerer to The Mother. "…That will be one chicken, please…"

The Orphan would have, at that moment, given the Sorcerer all of the chickens in the universe, but The Orphan was trying to suck a bottle of Similac inside out.

Thus The Orphan entered a new phase, which did not include hunger - but - The Orphan did not ever forget what hunger was.

While a Baby, The Orphan lived a primitive and simple life that included coverings for his nether parts constructed of altered previously used coverings of flour.

When The Orphan became a small child, the coverings changed and were ordered from a Sears and Roebuck Catalog and were called "…Overhalls…" However, "Overhalls" did not include sophistications such as undergarments and shoes.

As a baby and as a child, The Orphan had the sole attention of the wonderful and sweet and caring angelic collection of love called a Mother (or to The Orphan, who when later was experimenting with a method of communication called talking, a "Muddy"). The Muddy focused on The Little Orphan Granny all of her attention by interspersing hugs and squeezings with teaching The Orphan the spelling of many new words and "a magic" called numbers.

The beginning life of The Orphan was thus centered around the lair of The Muddy, and The Orphan was happy because he could cling to and follow The Muddy all of the hours of the night and the day.

In The Orphan’s lair there also lived The Father who was also referred to as The Husband and The Rutherford by The Muddy. The Father also had many guises imposed on him by mischievous older brothers and sisters. Such guises included that of The Uddie and The Cow Bag.

At this time, though, after The Father had whirled The Orphan in a circle through the air while the screaming Orphan was contained only in a blanket, The Orphan renamed The Father "The Forbidding Giant" and steadfastly remained constant in his wariness for a long time.

The Orphan decided to cling solely to The Muddy and The Big Momma and to avoid all contact with The Forbidding Giant. Later when the Orphan had a better view of The Forbidding Giant, The Orphan also named him The Daddy.

Such were the beginnings of The Little Orphan Granny.



In the 1930’s and early 1940’s, the State called Mississippi had no paved roads or highways, no automobile licenses or registration, no drivers’ licenses, no state patrol. The Hamlets may or may not have had a sheriff or a constable. 

However, there were churches (mostly white and Southern Baptist) and schools – although many of the schools had several grades in one classroom taught by one teacher using McGuffey’s Readers.



The Orphan in "Overhalls"


The Muddy


The Forbidding Giant


  End of Chapter One Next Chapter


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The Early Adventures:   Chapter    1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20 
The Later Adventures:   Dance Cruise     Ski Matterhorn     South Seas     North to Alaska     Education in Ethanol     Criminal Side  
The Orphan and The Boot:  

Final Seduction     Guadeloupe     The Great Arvee NW     Cabo San Lucas

The Mighty Boeing Company:   Chapter    1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20
The Awesome AquaJet Shower:   Title Page     Philosophy     Preface

Boeing:  Land of Heroes and Assassins




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