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The Early Adventures

Boeing:  Land of Heroes and Assassins


The Later Adventures

The Mighty Boeing Company


The Orphan and The Boot

The Awesome AquaJet Shower




Chapter    1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20 

The Early Adventures of The Little Orphan Granny

Part Three:  The World of Growing Up



CHAPTER eleven

 The Little Orphan Granny continues to have adventures with consequences


James Edward, co-conspirator with The Orphan in The Great Watermelon Raid, also joined The Orphan in many other boyhood adventures.

The Orphan and James Edward learned that tying one end of each of two strips of “real rubber” to the upper two prongs of a forked stick and the other ends of the two strips to a leather pouch that was a “rock-holder” made slingshots. The lower single fork of the stick was the handle. This slingshot was mentioned in Chapter Three but not all of the slingshot stories were told there.

Once when James Edward and The Orphan were experimenting with their slingshots, The Orphan discovered that substituting a marble for the rocks normally used as projectiles greatly increased the accuracy and deadliness of this weapon. The Orphan experimented with moving targets called chickens.

The Orphan was a marksman of renown. The Orphan fired a marble at the rear end of a chicken that was in full flight away from The Orphan. The marble entered the only opening at the rear of the chicken at great velocity and continued well into the chicken. The chicken went “…awrkk…,” fell beak down and ceased any form of motion.

The Orphan’s next shot took off the starboard leg of a second chicken that immediately began to make very tight but rapid clockwise circles -- since the remaining leg was still in a hurry.

Gramma Brown and Pappy, hearing the raucous complaints of the chickens, came to the back door and reacted with horror and fury. Pappy who, unlike The Orphan, had never cured his stuttering, sputtered,

     “…whawhawhat are yuyuyuyou chachachaps doing…?”

Gramma Brown said,

     “…Your parents will hear of this. Give me those slingshots right now…!” and she took the slingshots and cut up the rubber pieces with scissors.

Little did Gramma Brown know that when James Edward and The Orphan were cutting up the “real rubber” inner tube for the strips (for which punishment would be visited on the duo at a later time when the inner tube was needed for its originally intended use) the duo had cut many spare strips.

But there were many risks associated with these strips.  There was the risk of a scissor-wielding Grandmother and the risk of retribution for cutting up the inner tube.  There was also a risk from the “real rubber” itself.  Occasionally, when an especially long shot was needed and the bands were overstretched, the bands would fail catastrophically, and the torn ends would fly backwards and slap the user in the face. This was called “bad luck” and hurt like hell!

Later, during the day, The Orphan and James Edward were surprised to find Gramma Brown and Pappy laughing almost uncontrollably – and then wondered why the two ceased laughing and resumed their scowls when sighting the duo.

That night there was a great pile of fried chicken on the supper table. Because a third chicken had also been complaining loudly, it was discovered to be limping severely and was dispatched by Pappy along with the “whirling-in-a-circle” chicken. The first chicken, anally broached, had been demised instantly. Pappy was especially displeased about this “shot-up-the-ass” chicken because the damage to its innards made it hard to clean while being dismembered for cooking.

But fried chicken was a good thing!

Gramma Brown did make good on her threat and ratted on The Orphan and James Edward to their parents and, after a subsequent discussion with The Daddy (who tried mightily to assume the Forbidding Giant role but kept breaking out in sniggering), The Orphan decided to find other targets to practice on than chickens.

James Edward was to deny any knowledge of or participation in such episodes but James Edward lied. James Edward was less trained in corporal punishment than The Orphan. James Edward lived in great fear of a thing called a “…whuppin'…” To James Edward a ”…whuppin'…” was a light tap to his forehead – which resulted in James Edward caterwauling as if he had been grievously injured. James Edward was a pussy – but a sly and cunning pussy – since his “…whuppin'…” was so mild.

The Orphan knew what a “…whuppin'…” really was.

Another escapade of James Edward and The Orphan that was to have worse consequences was when they decided to create a lifetime supply of peashooters. A peashooter was a piece of hollow bamboo-like cane that was just the internal diameter of a medium dried English pea.  The plan for the lifetime supply of peashooters came to the duo when they were crawling under the home of Gramma Brown and Pappy only to discover a large pile of dried and cured canes.

Thus came a major problem – part one of the problem was that only one section of a complete cane near the middle of the cane was the right size for a peashooter. The second part of the problem arose because Uncle Edward and The Forbidding Giant were under the impression that the peashooter materials were really to be used only for fishing for a small bony thing called a crappie fish, and half canes were not sufficient.

This major problem of the peashooters versus fishing poles was exacerbated because Uncle Edward and The Forbidding Giant had waded for a day in the swampy areas of The North Fork of The Wolf River (see map in Chapter Nine) to gather the canes.

When Uncle Edward and The Forbidding Giant discovered the half canes and subsequently found the large cache of peashooters, all hell broke loose. It is not an accident that The Forbidding Giant was not referred to as The Daddy in the telling of this incident.

Suffice it to say that a desperate offer to either glue or tie the pieces back together was not accepted.

The half canes were put to use.  Have you ever had your butt, back and legs striped by the slender end of a half cane?  This was called “…stripin'…” The Orphan recommends that you get this experience by reading this story rather than directly.

This “…stripin'…” was another form of The Forbidding Giant’s “…whuppin'…”








 A“…whuppin'…” was when The Forbidding Giant used his huge hands to smite the ass of The Orphan repeatedly – always smiting the same spot – or using a belt doubled so there was what sounded like an echo each time the body of the Orphan was smote.

The first “…smack…” of the belt was caused by the lower surface of the belt smiting the ass of The Orphan. The upper portion of the belt hitting the lower portion of the belt caused the apparent echo. This phenomenon was a sound like …smack-smack…  ”Yeooww“  …smack-smack…  ”Yeooww “  …smack-smack…  ”Yeooww.“ 

The  “Yeooww” was the reaction of The Orphan to the  …smack-smack… of the belt.

The Forbidding Giant had some of the characteristics normally associated with those characteristics of a brutal asshole. His plan seemed to be to whip until screaming occurred and then continue until the screaming stopped.

Initially, The Orphan was stubborn and sometimes would decide to accept these brutal beatings stoically. After learning that stoicism prolonged the beatings, The Orphan tried to use the pussy techniques used by James Edward and immediately yelled and screamed as loud as he could.

The second learning of The Orphan was, when The Forbidding Giant then said “…I’m gonna keep this up ‘till you stop screaming…” was to re-try stoicism immediately.

The smallest sister of The Orphan, Mary Nell, was the smartest of all. When threatened with a whuppin' (beatings were not only for sons), she would immediately start so piteously caterwauling, screaming, sobbing, rolling up her eyes, falling to the floor, grabbing her ass with both hands and other masterful theatrics that The Forbidding Giant was usually distracted and forgot about the whuppin'.

Many misguided people attempted later in life to be adult and mature and condone such practices, by saying, “…I never got a whuppin' I didn’t need…”

Meetings between The Orphan and The Real Granville would result in a blurt (The Orphan massed way more than 150 pounds then) of “…well, maybe not… but obviously you never got a whuppin' from The Forbidding Giant, …and also, I think you are full of shit…”

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The Early Adventures:   Chapter    1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20 
The Later Adventures:   Dance Cruise     Ski Matterhorn     South Seas     North to Alaska     Education in Ethanol     Criminal Side  
The Orphan and The Boot:  

Final Seduction     Guadeloupe     The Great Arvee NW     Cabo San Lucas

The Mighty Boeing Company:   Chapter    1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20
The Awesome AquaJet Shower:   Title Page     Philosophy     Preface

Boeing:  Land of Heroes and Assassins




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